What to do when you’re ready for a BIG change, but you don’t know what to do or where to start.…
Feeling trapped, caged, helpless, hopeless
Have you ever felt so sure that something needed to change, but you couldn’t quite figure out how to navigate this change?
Change is scary as heck for some people and an exciting thrill for others. Whether or not you like it, doesn’t change the fact that it’s inevitable. If you can learn to embrace and even welcome change, then you’re a lot less likely to be devastated or blindsighted by it when it comes.
In this article, I’m going to cover
How to recognize when we are at a place in life when we are in need of change
How to command your own ship as things change
How to head in the direction of your choice
How to recognize when you need change
When we think of the seasons changing, it’s easy to recognize the signs. As I’m writing this blog in the beginning of November, I look outside to see strong gusts of wind blowing the final leaves off the branches. The sky is a sorrow gray, and I shudder at the thought of it getting colder and grayer as November trudges along.
Where I live, this time of year is considered the beginning of winter. The winter season officially starts in my books when the trees are barren. It’s obvious to me when winter is coming. I can feel it in my bones without even checking the weather forecast.
That feeling for change in our life is very much the same feeling.
You can feel it in your bones, in the pits of your belly and the depths of your heart...
How we recognize our need for change is listening to our body. It’ll always tell us when something is off. You may not recognize it at first. It starts as a gentle nudge. A small voice inside of you saying, “Hey, wake up. How you’re living is misaligned.” But you continue on your way, in denial, ignoring that small voice.
If you ignore it long enough, you will start to feel it as a deep ache in your belly. A longing so to speak. You feel like you’re a caged animal and you can’t escape. You know you need to get out but you don’t know how. Yet, you don’t see the exit strategy.
Sometimes, the need for change isn’t so obvious to us because on the outside, you should be happy. Everything on paper looks good. Some call this having golden handcuffs. You may wonder why you’re questioning your desire to get out of your long-term relationship, quit a perfectly good job, or escape the country and go on a silent retreat in the mountains.
The need for change always comes when we are so into our routine that we can do it with our eyes closed. We wake up, shut off the alarm, get ready for work, drop off the kids, go to work, get home, make dinner, and watch Netflix while you’re scrolling through Facebook.
If you aren’t learning anymore at work, if you aren’t turned on by your partner, if you feel that your creativity is being stifled, then these are all huge signs that SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE OR ELSE YOU’RE GOING TO LOSE YOUR FREAKEN MIND!
It’s so blah that you’re going stir crazy as you are going through the motions on Autopilot. You’re tired, exhausted and just. so. bored.If you’re feeling guilt or shame for wanting something different, then this is a surefire sign of you needing change.
And to ignore it is to make yourself more sick, stressed and broken.
The best way to know for sure when you need change is to ask yourself these two questions:
On a scale of 1-10, how happy would you feel if nothing in your life changed in 6 months, 1 year, 3 years?
If you died tomorrow, what would you regret not doing
If you scored less than 5 or had even one thing on your regret list, then something has to change
How to command your ship
What people like to do when change is coming is to resist it and try mightily hard to control the ship (the ship being the unfortunate circumstance that has suddenly come into your life). The problem with this approach is that we get the exact opposite of the desired result. We end up losing control completely. The right approach is to surrender to the wind and do your best to go where the wind takes you. The thing is that we will never be able to control the people and the circumstances around us. This is the honest truth.
I tell my kids this one thing all the time that I hope that they take with them forever
The one thing that you can control is how you respond to change.
You can fight it. You can kick and scream. You can keep spinning your wheels, but you will likely not be able to do anything about the change .
What you do instead is you surrender.
Now let me make it very clear that surrendering does not mean giving up. It does not mean you throw in the towel.
It means you empower yourself by accepting that you don’t have full control.
Isn’t that so mind-blowing? I definitely thought so when somebody said that to me. Let me try to explain it better.
Surrendering is the willful acceptance of the wind coming towards you.
I didn’t really get it until I learned to do it.
Imagine you were the captain of your own ship and there was a strong current of wind. You can steer the ship into the wind, or you can let the wind steer you in the direction that you’re meant to go in.
When you surrender, it is the most freeing thing you can do.
Does that make sense?
So now that you’ve recognized that something’s gotta change and you have learned to embrace it, now what?
How do you head in the right direction?
How do you know what the right direction is?
The key here is to get really, really quiet and you will get your answers.
The more of a rush you are to get your answer, the harder it will be to find.
If you’ve ever seen a woman before she had a baby, what she would tend to do is something called ‘nesting’ where she goes on a cleaning frenzy to prepare for the birth.
Decluttering is one way of getting quiet. Whether you’re decluttering your mind or your desk, it serves the same purpose.
You can meditate (or learn how).
You can move.
Walk, dance, play sports.
Whatever floats your boat.
You can go outside.
You can explore.
You can seek adventure.
You can travel to foreign places.
You can find your tribe.
You can make heartfelt connections with other people who see where you’re at on your journey without judgment.
Don’t be a rush to find the perfect direction. You’ll find it exactly when you’re supposed to. Be open to surprises as you discover what you really want.
Everybody seems to have such a big need for finding their purpose.
I think it’s overrated.
What I say is it’s important to appreciate exactly where you are on your path right now. Explore. Be curious. Have fun. Enjoy. Be grateful.
When you do all of these things: connect with nature, meditate (connecting with a Higher Power or connecting with your deepest sense of yourself), connect with other people in a deep, meaningful way, just trust that you are going in the right direction. Or at least trust that when you’re not in the right direction, you’ll know.
If all of the above sound at all scary to you, then yay! It should. It should feel a little scary and a lot thrilling to do these things. Life shouldn’t be 100% predictable.
What fun would it be if you knew exactly how your life would turn out every single day?
Not so much fun, which is exactly why you are reading this right now.
Because your life right now is likely stable, so stable that you know exactly what you will face every day when you wake up. The same pain. The same boredom. The same conventional wisdom you hear. The same news.
If you can deeply resonate with this article, email me and let me know. I would love comments and feedback, and if there’s anything I can do to help you through your transition, I’ll let you know.
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Nancy